Fortune Kit
by Fortune Kit
Latest episode
325 - Gen Alpha Can No Longer Afford Hot Air Balloons [Patreon…
325 - Gen Alpha Can No Longer Afford Hot Air Balloons [Patreon…
About this podcast
Alex Nichols and Charles Austin cover the least important stories in music.
Episodes
The newest 50 of 338 episodes
- 325 - Gen Alpha Can No Longer Afford Hot Air Balloons [Patreon Preview] · 2 minThey should replace all the seats in arenas with toilets, they should replace the Capitol building with the Sphere, they should have nostalgia tours for iconic cultural moments…
- 324 - Holiday Speedrun · 1 h 3 minRick Nielsen auctions off a coat that Nikki Sixx peed on. Barbie is canonically from Wisconsin. And the left must take the side of the unionized Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in…
- 323 - Sitar Beam vs. Imagine Wave · 57 minAll 4 Beatles movies are going to sync up with Dark Side of the Moon and feature IP from Alex's AI slop Beatles fighting game, including George's Sitar Beam and Ringo's Drum…
- 322 - The Telltale Hennessy · 58 minSean Diddy Combs is getting Hennessy, nudes, and Chinese-style massages in prison. Plus, there should have been an episode of Home Improvement where Tim Allen helps the Grateful…
- 321 - I Wanna Be Your Hand · 1 h 4 minBrother John's new material still goes, Paul McCartney's new kids movie probably goes, and Lil Boosie's new A.I.-powered website posits that the rap game should feel more like…
- 320 - Soulja Boy the Movie 2011 [Patreon Preview] · 4 minCharles and Alex watch the era-defining tour documentary Soulja Boy the Movie 2011, unearthed from an old hard drive. Full episode on Patreon…
- 319 - Everything the Beatles Ever Ate · 59 minWe take an exhaustive look at everything the Beatles ever ate: horse steaks, cornflakes, fish and chips in newspaper, chicken maryland, Heinz baked beans, authentic Italian…
- 318 - Do They Have Pizza Friday in Prison? · 56 minGene Simmons hawks sodas, Meek Mill misses Lion King and Sega, and Peter Griffin is lowkey stupid but a better father to his children than Elon Musk. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on…
- 317 - Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous [Patreon Preview] · 4 minA Good Charlotte fan steals an ambulance with a patient in the back and slams it into a wall… Is this viral marketing for GTA6? Plus George Harrison's love of Austin Powers and a…
- 316 - The Cheuggery (ft. Josiah Hughes) · 1 h 3 minJosiah helps us make sense of MGK's career trajectory and BluntMan gets arrested for having blunts. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the…
- 315 - Chaturbate for God · 1 h 0 minPat McAfee drops some slop, Frankie Valli retires and un-retires, and the Beatles movies dramatize the lads walking across a damn street. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon…
- 314 - Wife, Pipe, and Bestie · 59 minIn the Sopranos finale, A.J. used the Death Note to kill Tony and then MGK rapped about it. Meanwhile artists from Motley Crue to Tyga are embracing the wonders of A.I. slop…
- 313 - Portal Potty [Patreon Preview] · 4 minFestivalgoers are passing around Katy Perry and a box/bag of piss. Sesame Street has a new Chappell Roan parody that can help adult music fans understand when they need to use…
- 312 - Hague House · 1 h 3 minAll of the latest stories in music are about pissing and shitting and farting. There's just no getting around it. Also The Hague is having a Shrek Rave, possibly to lure…
- 311 - People Who Can From Nothing · 58 minMuppets are predisposed to be bad musicians (not enough fingers) and waterpark line-skipper Boosie tried to buy a Trump pardon from Jacob Wohl. Correction: We offhandedly said…
- 310 - The Most Vile of the Devil's Snares · 1 h 2 minAI chatbots are gifted kids, Taylor Swift is a quasi-cheerleader, and Morrissey has relentlessly faced the slings and arrows of the most vile of the devil's snares. Subscribe to…
- 309 - Dumb Podcast [Patreon Preview] · 4 minThe tragic and unforeseeable divorce of Jelly Roll and Bunnie XO is undercut by juvenile stories about stage pooping and crowd pooping. Full episode on Patreon…
- 308 - Ataraxia Book Club Part 3: Dawn Protocol (ft. Raina Douris) · 1 h 21 minThe moral of this story is… If you have mental health issues, if you're depressed, if you feel disconnected from other people, just post on Discord. It's where the most normal…
- 307 - Ataraxia Book Club Part 2 (ft. Hesse Deni & Raina Douris) · 1 h 24 minFemale jinns, Gandhi lasagna, white walls, 2.3 trillion galaxies, and the drug you've never heard of. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending…
- 306 - Ataraxia Book Club Part 1 (ft. Hesse Deni & Raina Douris) · 1 h 47 minHesse and Raina join us for a spiritual journey into rooms where Garfield went corporate and money was implied. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit…
- 305 - Mister Hardmaxxing [Patreon Preview] · 3 minGarfield wants to be Muslim, C+C Music Factory wants to perform for Genghis Khan, and Matt Walsh wants more conservative music even though he's a damn hipster like JD Vance…
- 304 - Garfield and the Prophet Mohammad Had Different Thoughts on Mondays · 1 h 4 minThe vulnerable narcissist. The shaved GOAT. The Zionist hologram. All this and more on today's Fortune Kit. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit…
- 303 - Is It OK to Be a Landlord If You're in a Polucule? · 1 h 1 minThe Blue Wiggle tries to beef with Oasis and the Washington Post pivots to the least successful ragebait of all time. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon…
- 302 - Pussycat Dolls Should Be Bob Dylan's Backup Singers · 57 minMetallica has a whiskey that they blast with their own music to bring out the flavors more better. Soulja Boy has a brand new social media site that looks like 2007. Subscribe…
- 301 - Don't You Wish Your 2nd Wife Was Hot Like Me [Patreon Preview] · 5 minRecreate Jimi Hendrix's Last Meal Using This Canned Pantry Staple! Nobody Expected Fast Food to Be This Interesting in 2026! Full episode on Patreon…
- 300 - Your Favorite Band is a Psyop (ft. John Semley) · 1 h 5 minJohn Semley talks with Charles about his viral Geese article for Wired and why your favorite band is not actually a psyop. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon…
- 299 - Soulja Girl Baked Potato · 57 minAlex doesn't want Soulja Boy to get his penis burned by a hot baked potato. Pokemon cards should be currency in prison. Denzel Curry thinks aliens fuck with his music but…
- 298 - The Devil Went Down to Ft. Campbell, TN [Patreon Preview] · 4 minBob Dylan starts an AI slop Patreon and a Charlie Daniels hologram is set to play a Tennessee military base. Maybe Sharon Osbourne should make an Ozzy hologram that performs at…
- 297 - Tong Hawk · 1 h 6 minMeek Mill's business is moving forward at a high rate thanks to AI. A second MAGA chud has hit the Pussycat Dolls. And Trump & pals should have Grok write an Andrew Jackson…
- 296 - Heavy Metal P%&@tang · 1 h 1 minVinnie Vincent has an incredible new album available for $2 million. Billy Joel should crash his car through the wall of a Hard Rock Cafe and leave it there so they can preserve…
- 295 - Viral Refrigerator · 1 h 5 minAri Emanuel has a dope podcast with his 30-years-younger wife's best friend. And Lil Pump saw rappers doing witchcraft in order to get famous. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on…
- 294 - Microgoats [Patreon Preview] · 5 minWe need microscopic goats to make the ultimate milk for Ringo Starr. All mainstream country should be about Minecraft since it's fundamentally about mining and farming and stuff…
- 293 - Alex Calls AI Soulja Boy · 59 minSoulja Boy should become a real estate agent. Sony's Tokyo HQ should get better toilet paper. We should follow Freddie Gibbs on tour in order to take a karate lesson before each…
- 292 - I Don't Know How Many Men's Rap Careers I've Tried to Get Off the Ground · 1 h 1 minPitbull invents a new world record to break and Jelly Roll's wife writes a book about doing pills with ex-boyfriends who were too lazy to focus on their rap careers. Fortune Kit…
- 291 - The Clash Royale Halftime Show · 59 minLil Wayne counterprogrammed the Super Bowl Halftime Show with a performance in Clash Royale with better production values than Turning Point USA. It would have been nice to see…
- 290 - The Diddy Lama [Patreon Preview] · 5 minNoted sicko the Dalai Lama takes home his first Grammy and Bob Dylan and Paul McCartney are announced for Turning Point USA's Super Bowl halftime show (source: Facebook). Full…
- 289 - James Bond Checks into the James Bond Hotel · 1 h 2 minCharles and Alex talk RXKNephew, Neil Young, Nathen Mazri, and the Pitchfork paywall. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Join the Discord…
- 288 - Throw Some Keats on That Bitch · 1 h 5 minSoulja Boy was the first rapper to complain about pronouns for non-ideological reasons. And it's crazy the devil hangs out at the crossroads when the cross is Jesus' main thing…
- 287 - Yellow-Tinted Glasses · 1 h 0 minSoulja Boy wears ill-fitting shoes to the club, more artists bail on the Trump Memorial Center, and Morrissey finally releases his amazing songs that the industry doesn't want us…
- 286 - Humans Shouldn't Listen to Birdslop or Whaleslop · 1 h 3 minCharles and Alex visit Eric Alper's website to read the article "Step by Step Guide to Buying the Ideal Legal Highs." Plus, Elon should do a new Voyager gold disk with Brony…
- 285 - A Semi-Hollow Guitar is Like a Bag of Chips (You're Paying for Air) [Patreon Preview] · 5 minObama should have drank the water in Bikini Bottom to prove it's not irradiated. And Alex reveals he is now playing a Paul Stanley signature series guitar. Full episode on…
- 284 - Do You Think Jerry Garcia Introduced Bob Dylan to Crack? · 1 h 7 minThe power of AI has made Soulja Boy 100x more efficient. In the span of a week he started a clothing brand, dropped a song, joined a new streaming platform, and started a new…
- 283 - Soulja Boy Rap Fighter Beta Early Access · 1 h 1 minCharles and Alex play Soulja Boy's new Rap Fighter flash game. Plus, Drake's "Nokia" was inspired by Cocomelon and Crazy Frog. Fortune Kit on Patreon…
- 282 - Alex's Shroom Trip Made Him a Wahhabist [Patreon Preview] · 5 minImagine the debates they have in heaven: Socrates, Charlie Kirk, the Devil. It brings us no pleasure to report that the evil Blue Wiggle and his no-good nephew are at it again…
- 281 - Elvish Presley · 1 h 2 minThe Island Boys need to get their shit together and go to law school. Plus, we listen to Olivia Nuzzi's song "Jailbait" where she saw Britney Spears' schoolgirl shtick and said…
- 280 - Macca Got Back · 1 h 1 minPaul McCartney's "Got Back" Tour is named for his big fat ass. We also go on a journey to the year 2010, when Vladimir Putin sang Blueberry Hill and Drake got peed on (but it…
- 279 - Never Trust a Politician Who Doesn't Rap · 1 h 2 minIf Democrats decide that rapping was key to Zohran's success, Lin Manuel Miranda will become the highest-paid consultant in Washington. And is Chubby Checker's music too old even…
- 278 - 2025 SouljaGame Flip Ultimate Gaming Experience Games Entertainment Music Passion [Patreon Preview] · 2 minSoulja Boy is back on his bullshit with a new game console, "headphone's," and $48 body wash. We also explore an artist adjacent to both Soulja Boy and Crazy Frog: 2000s ringtone…
- 277 - Building on My Ape · 1 h 1 minIs Palestine Radiohead's Yoko Ono? Plus, Bored Ape Yacht Club is making a comeback… as a Metaverse! …In 2025. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit
- 276 - Touch Grass and Crash Out · 57 minHow much is Snoop Dogg like Krusty the Clown? Sombr likes to call his teenage fans' toxic exes onstage, but what teenager would actually pick up the phone? And much like David…
