About this podcast
Your hosts Ian & RJ review and rank every Christmas, Hanukkah, winter, holiday, et cetera song.
All of 'em. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.
Episodes
The newest 50 of 427 episodes
- Episode 422: Boi's Choice (4 Birthday) · 55 minNovember can only mean one thing: new winter holiday music!!!! Oh, and also Jam's birthday. For the occasion, they have selected one holiday song from November 2025 and one from…
- Episode 421: Total Eclipse of the Hark · 60 minIt's Halloween, and baby, ANYTHING can happen! That said, a few specific things ARE happening: we're listening to "My Husband's Ghost This Christmas" by Kyle Gordon featuring…
- Episode 420: The First NoWeed · 1 h 9 minHey there, sport. (turns chair backward) We know this podcast usually makes a lot of jokes and goofs about marijuana. But here in episode 420, we want to get real with you…
- Episode 419: Festive Holiday Jingle Bell Rockabilly Rock'n'Roll for Christmas · 1 h 0 minLots of things are other things in this episode: the 60s are the 90s, Nashville is Paris, children are women. And freezing time? You better believe that's doing crime. What does…
- Episode 418: Merry Sad Lonely Happy Christmas Party · 52 minI know last episode was our back-to-school special, but don't take off your thinking caps just yet, because we're not done learning. This time, we're getting some international…
- Episode 417: Funducational Hanukkahtainment · 50 minHey, does this episode have a vibe? Can you tell it's 9pm? And on a school night?? Join us to prepare for a return to school AND the return of Rosh Hashanah with some…
- Episode 416: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Una Mentirita · 57 minIt's another AGROBAR episode, and we're taking this beloved classic international! Sort of! Technically! Our first sort-of-technically international GGROBAR version is by…
- Episode 415: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Grand Run Over Reindeer · 51 minLike a werewolf helplessly transforming into its beastial form, our podcast once again becomes all Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, all August long! Come howl along with us as…
- Episode 414: July, temporarily · 42 minWe're BACK... and this time? It's BIRTHONAL. In other words, it's Ian's Birthday Boy's Choice! He curates a romantic indie music Christmas in July for us with "December, forever"…
- Episode 413: Christmas in Ju(ne)(ly) · 49 minSince we'll be away from the podcast until July 22, we've got some songs specifically to hold you over until then! For the rest of the month, we hope that "Christmas in June" by…
- Episode 412: Three Lions and Plesiosaur · 1 h 2 minDespite our best efforts, the World Cup is happening again, and it's happening here. Though we were able to put it off for 400+ episodes, it's finally time for us to do some…
- Episode 411: Pride Intensifies · 51 minIt's almost Pride Month and we're getting ready with some queer (or at least queer-adjacent) holiday songs! By request, we're listening to Girl in Red's "Two Queens in a King…
- Episode 410: The Five Stages of Travel · 55 minSince we're away this week, we pre-recorded this episode! Appropriately, the theme of the requested songs is travel, and in particular, travel gone wrong at the holidays. Or…
- Episode 409: Maypole Sitta · 53 minIn honour of International Workers' Day on May 1st, we're listening to two songs about the plight of those who have to work on Christmas Day. First up is an epic song about an…
- Episode 408: Dashing Through the Weed · 50 minIt's April, all. And I know you depend on us, annually, to deliver only the best winter holiday songs about marijuana. Well, good news: we have not let you down. So grab some…
- Episode 407: Death and the Opposite of Death · 51 minJust in time for Easter, we're covering two Christmas songs that are, uh, maybe kind of appropriate? The first song is about death, but also kind of about everlasting life: "I'm…
- Episode 406: Linguistic Noodles · 55 minAs the vernal equinox approaches in our hemisphere, we are saying goodbye to winter with two snow-themed songs! First, by listener request, we hear "50 Words for Snow" by Kate…
- Episode 405: A Warning, An Apology, A Promise · 43 minInspired by the approaching time change, we spring forward into two songs about winter sunlight and, specifically, Seasonal Affective Disorder. We expect a spooky twist from…
- Episode 404: Episode Not Found · 1 h 0 minERROR: WE RECORDED AFTER 8PM CAUTION: Only listen to year-round holiday podcasts from people you trust. Ian and Jam listened to two versions of a song called "S.A.N.T.A. Dot…
- Episode 403: A Family Can Be a Belgian Women's Choir and Two Guys · 55 minIt's almost Family Day here in British Columbia, and to celebrate, we've got a tenuously connected episode theme! By request, we listen to "Christmas Must Be Tonight" as…
- Episode 402: A Homeopathic Amount of Grinch · 53 minOf course we wouldn't let January pass us by without celebrating our second-most-cursed annual tradition, Grinch Rap Granuary! But, unfortunately, this is the last one. For real…
- Episode 401: If I Were a Slowking · 52 minAs the twelve days of Christmas come to a close once again, we're celebrating Epiphany with two songs about three men. By listener request, we check out "We Three Slow Kings" by…
- Episode 400: The Piss Tangent of It All · 1 h 20 minIn this milestone episode, Jam and Ian add the 799th (???) and 800th (!!!) songs to HARK's massive, unruly list. Jam aims for the top of the list with a near-classic and the…
- Episode 399: Chanukah, Take Me Home · 51 minHanukkah is fast approaching! And to celebrate, we have two songs... well, OK. We have one song about Hanukkah, and one song about Not Christmas. "Chanukah in West Virginia" by…
- Episode 398: Support Your Local Ugly Sweater · 50 minYou may be wondering why this episode is going up on a Thursday instead of a Wednesday. Well, first of all, it's technically still Wednesday in our time zone, and this episode is…
- Episode 397: Birthday Boi's Choose Your Own Adventure · 1 h 3 minIt's Jam's birthday! To find out the first song they selected, go to Paragraph 2 (P2). To skip ahead to the ranking music, go to P5. P2: It was "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" by Fall…
- Episode 396: Dr. Victor Kelce-stein · 52 minIt's that time again! Gut that pumpkin and fill it with eggnog, because we're listening to EVEN MORE Christmas/Halloween crossover songs. Not only have we not run out of these…
- Episode 395: Big Sincerity · 54 minAfter a short delay, we're back! And just in time, too. Because it's... the time of year... well, you get it. We are, after ten years of doing this dang show, finally covering…
- Episode 394: One Must Imagine It's October 3rd · 53 minWe may never run out of holiday music, but sometimes we do run low on holidays that are funny to talk about. So in this episode, we're celebrating (by a loose definition of…
- Episode 393: Skanukkah Skatember · 48 minNah, just kidding, we're not starting another annual month-long theme. Can you imagine? I mean, sure, yes, we can imagine. But we've apparently run out of ska-punk Hanukkah songs…
- Episode 392: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Jesus, Who Took the Wheel · 49 minBuckle up everyone, it's the final AGROBAR episode of 2025, and the guy that they put at the wheel for this one most definitely does not have a license. That's right, we're doing…
- Episode 391: Our Podcast Got Run Over by the Grandma Cinematic Universe · 1 h 1 minUnforunately, our annual tradition is back! We once again listened to two "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"-related songs, this time exploring Dr. Elmo's own sequels…
- Episode 390: Birthday Boy's Abdication of Duty · 51 minIt's Ian's birthday, and he is over it! He has passed along his birthday-boy-song-picking duties to our backlog of listener requests. At least we got to listen to an "all time…
- Episode 389: Summer School · 54 minBefore we can fully embrace the season, Ian and Jam need to turn in some overdue assignments. We finally listened to a few long-languishing requests, and this episode is our…
- Episode 388: Tooth Horror 2 (Teeth Is Bones) · 55 minIt's Jam from the present here. I've now gotten the tooth removed, so I'mma keep this short. The songs we listened to for this tooth-themed episode were "All I Want For Christmas…
- Episode 387: Larry Bird In a Pear Tree · 58 minFlowers are blooming, birds are chirping, and basketballers are basketballing. Listen, Ian knows what NBA event aligns with the release of this episode, but he's in the other…
- Episode 386: A Stranger's Just a Ghost Who Hasn't Died Yet · 59 minWhat makes someone goth? Is it wearing lots of black eyeliner? Or is it spending a lot of time thinking about what a good ghost you'd be? Hopefully it's both, because we're…
- Episode 385: Songs About Birds About Christmas · 1 h 0 minIn honour of World Migratory Bird Day, we're listening to two songs about birds! And also, Christmas! "The Gift" by Garth Brooks definitely has a bird in it, but beyond that…
- Episode 384: Three Gees A-Maying · 49 minAs May approaches, we're celebrating... May, I guess? May. Christmas songs that mention May? Yes. And no, not "May your days be merry and bright". We're talking MONTH OF MAY…
- Episode 383: Keep the Weed in Weedmas · 1 h 3 minIt's that time of year again! And for this rare holiday equinox which sees Easter, Passover, and 4/20 overlapping, we endeavor to cover some weed-tacular winter holiday songs…
- Episode 382: Blobby Cheekmas · 56 minBlobby blobby blobby blobby! Blobby blobby? ...Blobby. Blobby blobby blobby! ...Nah, just kidding. But we did listen to "Christmas in Blobbyland" by Mr. Blobby and friends…
- Episode 381: Pitchfork Might Break Your Heart · 1 h 5 minLet's get existential up in here!!! In this episode, we discuss two bummer songs beautifully delivered: "Christmas Eve Can Kill You" by the Everly Brothers, followed by…
- Episode 380: Our Everybodies, Our Everyselves · 43 minInternational Women's Day is right around the corner, and in this episode, women are taking the mic! Uh, a few women, anyway. Performing a pretty specific sub-category of songs…
- Episode 379: Vaguely Valentine's Day · 50 minValentine's Day is almost here, and we're celebrating! Uh, sort of? Most importantly, the songs are good. They're decent. Give them a chance. In fact, "Christmas Baby" by…
- Episode 378: A Balm on the Bus · 57 minAs Groundhog Day approaches, we recognize the cultural association of the holiday with the concept of repetition and take some repeat requester's requests! The two songs…
- Episode 377: Vegeta Rap Vejanuary · 1 h 3 minI don't want to mislead you. We don't actually have any Dragonball Z related holiday hip-hop songs to cover. Sorry. To be clear: we're very, very open to theming an annual…
- Episode 376: Danuary · 45 minIt's our first annual, definitely real and permanent, mark-it-on-your-calendar-for-January-2026 feature: Danuary, a celebration of singer-songwriter Dan Wilson! You might know…
- Episode 375: Proper Proper Crimbo · 1 h 13 minOur 2024 milestone episode is here! Aiming to hit the highest of holiday highs, Ian tries to select something dear to Jam's heart, but may have miscalculated. Looking for the…
- Episode 374: Biblically Accurate Krampus · 1 h 3 minIt's almost Saint Nicholas Day, which means it's almost our anniversary, which means it's almost Krampusnacht! We're celebrating with two songs about Krampus. More specifically…
- Episode 373: Mrs. The Snowman · 59 minWith just a few short weeks until the winter holidays hit, Jam and Ian forgo Christmas music to instead ponder some questions posed by the most existential of winter symbols…
