Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
autor: The Irish Times
Nejnovější epizoda
‘Ross, do you remember I told you I would break up your marriage…
‘Ross, do you remember I told you I would break up your marriage…
O tomto podcastu
The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Epizody
Nejnovějších 20 z 611 epizod
- ‘Ross, do you remember I told you I would break up your marriage even if it was my last act in this life?’ · 6 minSorcha’s old pair are here. Yeah, no, Honor brings the news to me while I’m doing my morning sit-ups. As you probably know, they’re not exactly fans of what I would call my whole…
- I’m like, ‘Can this wait, Honor? I’m thinking about rugby’ · 7 minI think I’m on the record somewhere as saying that I’d prefer to be remembered as a great father than a great number ten. It’s total horseshit, of course. I’d much prefer if…
- ‘Oh my God,’ Sorcha goes. ‘Did you lock Brian in the attic?’ · 6 minSo – yeah, no – I’m in the cor with the boys, driving home from The Bridge 1859 after watching The Ster make shit of Clermont Auvergne, when the usual rugby singsong storts up…
- ‘Drop the Carmela Soprano act, Rosser,’ Ronan goes when I ask him if Sorcha’s ring was stolen · 6 minRonan is smoking one of his famous rollies in the doorway of the Museum of the Irish Gangster when he sees me coming. “Rosser!” he goes. “The fook are you doing on Capel Street…
- Sorcha’s old dear singing sounds like a fox with its head trapped in a gate · 6 minIt’s every parent’s worst nightmare. Sorcha goes, “You’re being ridiculous, Ross.” I’m there, “Oh, I’m being ridiculous, am I? My son gives up rugby to play the port of Sam…
- ‘So Westlife, huh? We’re all big fans in our gaff, aren’t we, Honor?’ · 6 minI’m like, “Westlife?” And I say it like that as well. I’m there, “Why are you going to see Westlife? You always said–” Honor goes, “No, I didn’t. I actually like Westlife?” and…
- ‘We’ve been trying to break them up, haven’t we? A year or two in the clink – he won’t wait for her’ · 7 minThe old man tells Hennessy that he has every faith in him. Hennessy’s like, “Wait a minute, what?” Yeah, no, we’re sitting in the District Court in Bray, waiting for Bernie’s…
- Four Feds step into the kitchen. One of them is like, ‘Well, Bernie?’ · 7 min“So, anyway, I tee’d off,” the old man goes, loving the sound of his own voice, “and of course I managed to slice the bloody-well ball and, well, naturally enough, it ended up in…
- ‘I did the deed with the girlfriend of a very good friend and it’s been bothering my conscience lately’ · 6 minJP looks well – even though I don’t know what to call him any more? I’m like, “So how are things – I don’t know – Father?” He actually laughs at that? He’s there, “Ross, you…
- At the end of the summer, just like the rest of you, I’m sick of the sight of my children · 7 minI think I’m on the record as saying that being a parent is one of those things that I just happen to be very, very good at without having to put any actual effort into it. Even…
- ‘Your father’s playing golf in Doonbeg,’ Hennessy goes. ‘While the cat’s away, the mice will fornicate’ · 7 minHennessy is grinning like a dog trying to pass a laundry ball through its urinary tract. Yeah, no, for five days now, me and Bernie from Bray of all places have been – in…
- Charlie is serious about marrying this woman. You haven’t heard the worst of it yet. No prenup · 7 minHennessy actually laughs when he sees me sitting at the bor with a pint of the old Dutch medicine in front of me. He’s like, “What the hell are you doing here?” Hosted on Acast…
- ‘Oh my God! Your dad’s new girlfriend has entered the Wicklow Pollock Queen competition!’ · 7 minEverybody knows about the Dalkey Lobster Festival. It’s coming up in, like, two weeks’ time, and Sorcha is already practising her walk and wave for the Parade of Lobster Queens…
- ‘My son has opened a museum celebrating criminality. I wish people would stop asking if I’m proud’ · 7 minAll of Ronan’s old mates are there. We’re talking Buckets of Blood. We’re talking Stacks of Money. We’re talking Nudger. We’re talking Gull. It’s actually Stacks of Money who…
- The old man has a Tesco Clubcord. Jesus, it’s worse than I thought · 6 minThe old man looks wretched. I say it to him as well. I’m like, “You look focking wretched – worse than usual" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- ‘Wait a minute, are you telling me there’s a World Cup in soccer?’ · 6 min“The fock is going on here?” I go. Because – yeah, no – I’ve arrived home to find my wife, my four sons and my in-laws sitting in front of the TV watching, quite literally, a…
- ‘Your accent is up and down like a focked umbrella,’ I tell the old man · 7 minSo me and Ronan swing out to – believe it or not – Bray, just to see how my old man is getting on. I’ve a bet with him that he won’t last the summer living out there and I like…
- ‘I’m not giving that kid the money. Not a focking chance’ · 6 minI absolutely despise Christian’s wife, Lauren. I say it as well. Not to her face obviously. Sorcha goes, “Ross, you shouldn’t despise anyone.” This coming from the girl who…
- We filled a skip with all the things Sorcha decided she can live without, until she changed her mind · 6 minSo the latest “thing” in our house is the Swedish death clean. For those of you who aren’t married to Sorcha Lalor, this is a decluttering method that’s meant to spare your loved…
- ‘Nobody can say I haven’t put my body on the line for this Leinster team’ · 6 minThe old man says he thinks he might not live long enough to see Leinster win the European Cup again. I tell him I’m only 46 years old and I’m storting to feel the same way…
