323. The Astigmaprism

Lords:

• Ryan

• CisHetKayfaber

Topics:

• My vocal stims are getting out of control now that I don't have pets.

• Training to become a Tetris Grandmaster

• https://www.youtube.com/@cishetkayfaber/videos

• Switching to not-bifocals

• Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nntd2fgMUYw

Microtopics:

• Introducing yourself or plugging something.

• Going to Cape Town for Playtopia.

• Enemies to enemies to lovers.

• A game conference with a name that sounds way too much like Fruitopia.

• What you would do for an Orbitz right now.

• An apple juice with basil seeds ensconced in it, like an Orbitz.

• I'm not mean, I'm just trying to manifest bullying.

• Semisolid Kind of Life.

• A dog following you into the kitchen and acting like a Ghostbusters trap except for all your bullshit rather than ectoplasm.

• The movie about the prep school kids who poop on the floor at their magic school.

• Making yourself laugh by doing a Gollum voice while you make a sandwich.

• Hanging up a happy face on the fridge and writing "mirror" on top of it to convince yourself that you're okay.

• An action figure that absorbs all the dark energy aimed at you.

• Giving advice to someone that you really have no basis for.

• The dog who loved your terrible celebrity impressions and the dog who gives you a look like "I expected more of you"

• Your online source for news about what water parks Jim and his family went to.

• The kind of Tetris that you become s grandmaster in.

• Tetris but the pieces don't fall, they just instantly appear at the bottom of the well.

• How the Tetris company wants you to play Tetris.

• Delayed Auto-Shift.

• Doing a hadouken move to place the zigzag piece in the correct column.

• Stack faster, stack better.

• A skill you can practice and get better at.

• Training for three or four hours a day on a hacked PlayStation Vita to become a Tetris Grandmaster.

• How the Tetris the Grandmaster community feels about leverless controls.

• Going several years between occasions to say hello to your wife.

• Going for a walk around the block so you have an excuse to say hello to your wife when you get back.

• Seeing a person and immediately infodumping at them.

• What they have now instead of bifocals.

• Training your eyes to look through the part of the lens that does the thing.

• Going to the optometrist and saying "just fuck me up"

• Why they don't make bifocals for text at the distance of a computer monitor.

• There's still time, and there's dignity.

• Watching the VOD of your own death because you missed the livestream.

• Getting used to your vision swimming in a new way when you get new glasses.

• Getting an eye exam and saying "I'd rather not say" when they ask you what letters you see.

• Freeballing your corneas.

• A fellow glasses enjoyer.

• A cursed gem that gives you astigmatism.

• Doing the Magic Eye thing in order to learn to read.

• Being born a trust fund kid, except it's your…