Engineering Love
by Kim Polinder
The Truth About Resentment: 6 Types, Why It Stays, and How to…
About this podcast
Most of us aren't fighting because we're bad communicators. We're fighting because our nervous systems are hijacked, our past is leaking into the present, and we don't know how to translate what we feel into something another human can actually hear.
This podcast is about what's really happening underneath conflict, shutdown, anxiety, resentment, and emotional exhaustion in relationships. Not pop psychology. Not quick fixes. And not "just communicate better."
Hosted by Kim Polinder, associate therapist and relationship coach, each episode breaks down the emotional mechanics behind fights, attachment patterns, shame responses, trauma adaptations, and self-esteem. You'll learn why insight alone doesn't change behavior, how coping strategies that once kept you safe can start sabotaging your relationships, and what it actually looks like to build emotional regulation, repair after conflict, and self-trust over time.
Expect grounded psychology, real relational examples, and practical language you can use in your own life. This is for people who want to understand themselves more clearly, stop repeating the same patterns, and build relationships that feel steadier, more honest, and less exhausting.
If you've ever thought "Why do we keep having the same fight?" or "I know better, so why can't I do better?" you're in the right place.
Episodes
- The Truth About Resentment: 6 Types, Why It Stays, and How to Actually Heal It · 36 min · Season 2 Episode 7Most people treat resentment like something to push away or white-knuckle through. But before you can release it, you need to know what you're actually holding — because not all…
- When Only One Emotional Tone Is Allowed: Dismissive vs Anxious Attachment in Conflict · 21 min · Season 2 Episode 6Avoidant attachment isn't one category. Dismissive and fearful avoidant patterns respond very differently in conflict, and using the wrong repair strategy can make things worse…
- AI Is Great at Insight. Growth Requires Integration. · 37 min · Season 2 Episode 5More than half of U.S. adults are now using AI to manage stress, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm. Among people who already use AI for mental health, nearly half say it's the…
- Why Eating Disorders Are Not About Food · 34 min · Season 2 Episode 4In this episode, Kim sits down with eating disorder specialist Sarah Burney to unpack what's really going on beneath "food noise," body dissatisfaction, and chronic struggles…
- Thinking About Divorce? What to Know Before You Call a Lawyer · 33 min · Season 2 Episode 3In this episode, I'm joined by Alex Beattie, founder of The Divorce Planner, to talk about what actually helps in the earliest stages of separation and divorce. Alex is a divorce…
- Why Insight Isn't Enough to Change Your Behavior · 32 min · Season 2 Episode 2You understand why you avoid. You see the pattern. And you're still doing it. In this episode, Kim Polinder explores the frustrating gap between self-awareness and actual change…
- Procrastination: Why You Avoid What Matters Most · 46 min · Season 2 Episode 1In Episode 10, Kim opens Season Two by breaking down procrastination in a way most people have never heard it explained before. This episode isn't about productivity, discipline…
- Why They Shut Down and You Start Doubting Yourself · 39 min · Season 1 Episode 9In Episode 9, Kim answers listener questions about anxious–avoidant dynamics, communicating with partners who shut down, chronic self-doubt and perfectionism, and navigating a…
- Why Their "Change" Feels Fake: Trauma Bonds, Betrayal, and the Illusion of Repair · 46 min · Season 1 Episode 8In Episode 8, Kim answers listener questions about trauma bonds, abusive relationship cycles, repeated infidelity, and navigating boundaries with family members after postpartum…
- When They Shut Down, When They Stall, and When You Carry Too Much · 50 min · Season 1 Episode 7Episode 7 dives deep into attachment dynamics, shutdown, commitment anxiety, and the hidden costs of people-pleasing. Kim answers listener questions about anxious–avoidant…
- Empathy Without Fixing: Grief, Emotional Support, and Breaking Self-Sabotage · 52 min · Season 1 Episode 6In Episode 6, Kim is joined by relationship coach Mason O'Sullivan to answer listener questions about empathy, emotional support, grief, and long-standing self-sabotage patterns…
- Boundaries Without Guilt: People-Pleasing, Family Estrangement, and Relationship Triggers · 24 min · Season 1 Episode 5In Episode 5, Kim answers listener questions about boundaries in family and romantic relationships, people-pleasing, guilt, and the emotional fallout of avoiding conflict. This…
- Self-Esteem, People-Pleasing, and Learning to Be Your Own Anchor · 28 min · Season 1 Episode 4In Episode 4, Kim answers listener questions about self-esteem, identity, people-pleasing, and how to build a sense of self without losing connection to others. This episode…
- Resentment Explained: Abandonment, Infidelity, and Lowering the Pedestal · 37 min · Season 1 Episode 3In Episode 3, Kim breaks down resentment: what it is, why it lingers, and how to work with it without letting it harden you. This episode introduces a key distinction between…
- Love Languages Revisited: Childhood Wounds, Texting Anxiety, and Infidelity · 30 min · Season 1 Episode 2In Episode 2, Kim revisits the concept of love languages and expands it beyond Gary Chapman's framework to include what she calls childhood love languages: the ways love…
- Engineering Love: How Relationships Break, Repair, and Repeat · 28 min · Season 1 Episode 1In Episode 1 of Engineering Love, Kim introduces the core philosophy behind the podcast: that love isn't something that magically happens, it's something that can be learned…







