The Reality Between Us
by Aja Rutledge
Latest episode
A Different Kind of Compatibility | #19
A Different Kind of Compatibility | #19
About this podcast
The Reality Between Us explores what happens underneath relationships.
Through the lens of trauma, nervous systems, self-awareness, and relational patterns, Aja Rutledge examines the forces quietly shaping how we connect, conflict, communicate, avoid, trust, and make meaning of our experiences. Most relationship advice focuses on behavior. This podcast explores what's driving the behavior.
Rather than offering formulas or quick fixes, The Reality Between Us looks beneath the surface of our relationships, with partners, family, friends, coworkers, and most importantly, ourselves, to understand the hidden dynamics influencing how we show up and why we keep repeating the patterns we do. Because what happens between people rarely starts between people. Most relationship advice is looking in one place. We're going to look somewhere else.
Episodes
- A Different Kind of Compatibility | #19 · 18 min · Episode 19We talk a lot about compatibility in relationships. Do we have the same values? Do we want the same things? Do we enjoy being around each other? But what about the way our minds…
- When Harmful Relationships Feel Like Home | #18 · 26 min · Episode 18Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that we know aren't good for us, but we can't seem to leave. We might finally decide we've had enough, walk away, and somehow end up…
- Do You Believe Your Own Story? | #17 · 22 min · Episode 17We all have blind spots, and sometimes the person we believe ourselves to be isn't the person we're actually demonstrating ourselves to be. We may genuinely believe we're showing…
- You Stopped Asking Questions | #16 · 16 min · Episode 16Curiosity impacts the way we experience ourselves and the people we're in relationship with. But when we believe we already know someone, we can stop asking questions and start…
- Everywhere You Go, There You Are | #15 · 24 min · Episode 15How well we know ourselves affects how we show up in every relationship we’re in. Our moods, patterns, needs, expectations, capacity, and the things we haven’t worked through all…
- The Less Obvious Side of Self Trust | #14 · 21 min · Episode 14Self-trust isn’t something we develop once and never have to think about again. It’s an ongoing practice, and sometimes the places where we aren’t trusting ourselves aren’t…
- Under the Influence of Shame | #13 · 25 min · Episode 13Shame can be shaping our lives without us even realizing it’s there. Unlike feelings we can easily recognize, shame can sit underneath our reactions, our beliefs about ourselves…
- What You Don't Feel, Someone Else Will | #12 · 26 min · Episode 12We can avoid our feelings, refuse to talk about them, or convince ourselves they aren't affecting us. But that doesn't mean they've disappeared. Our feelings are still showing up…
- What We’re Missing About Attachment | #11 · 24 min · Episode 11Attachment styles have become part of how we talk about relationships. We hear about anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, secure attachment, and often use those labels to…
- The Complexity of Feeling Safe | #10 · 25 min · Episode 10Safety is one of those things we think we understand. We know what it means to be physically safe, and we may even know what emotional or psychological safety is supposed to look…
- What Hope Won't Let You See | #9 · 22 min · Episode 9Hope is usually seen as a good thing. It keeps us going. It gives us something to believe in. But sometimes hope can also keep us in situations when everything happening right…
- Wanting the Relationship Is the Easy Part | #8 · 25 min · Episode 8Wanting a relationship doesn't mean you're equipped to have one. We spend a lot of time thinking about the relationships we want, the kind of people we want in our lives, and…
- Validation Isn't the Problem. You Are. | #7 · 24 min · Episode 7Validation and agreement are not the same thing. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that if we acknowledge another person's experience, we're saying they're right. But…
- The Reality You're Responding To | #6 · 25 min · Episode 6How many times have you been absolutely certain you knew what someone meant...only to find out later that's not what was happening at all? In this episode, we're exploring how…
- Seeing What’s There | #5 · 19 min · Episode 5People often ask whether someone is the right person for them. But we don't spend nearly enough time asking whether that person has the capacity to meet us where we are. In this…
- You Say You Care. But Do You? | #4 · 23 min · Episode 4We use the word care all the time. We say we care about people. We tell people we care. But what does care actually mean? In this episode, we explore why care is more than a…
- Good Intentions Aren't Enough | #3 · 22 min · Episode 3People tend to think that if their intentions were good then that should settle it. But relationships don't happen inside intentions. They happen in the impact we have on each…
- Maybe It's Not a Communication Problem | #2 · 23 min · Episode 2Communication is one of the first things we point to when a relationship is struggling. But what if communication isn't the place to start? In this episode, we explore why…
- Before We Talk About Relationships | #1 · 24 min · Episode 1Before we talk about relationships with other people, we have to understand the relationship we're having with ourselves. In this opening episode, I share the experiences that…
- Introducing The Reality Between Us · 2 minNew here? Start here. In this short introduction, I share what The Reality Between Us is about, why I created it and the conversations we'll be having about relationships…
